Meredith just said she was so bored, she wished she was at work.

Meredith tried on a pair of glasses at the optometry office and said, "Mommy, I look real more smarter, don't I?"

I asked Meredith what time she got her school pictures taken today and she said, "Ten after til'."

I was on the cold medicine aisle talking to the pharmacy tech when Meredith decided to pick up a bottle of Triaminic and tell the tech that that kind of medicine was good for boogers.

Meredith told me tonight that every night she goes to the freezer when we're not looking and eats some of those chocolate balls. But, uhhhhhhh, there's no chocolate balls in there.

While vacationing in Boone, NC, we pulled up at the stoplight beside a true "mountain man" and Meredith looked over at him and said, "Good gracious to Heaven!!!"

Me and Derrick were hugging in the kitchen and Meredith said, "Alright, it's time for you two to get out of that love situation!!!"

Meredith just told Derrick Herring, "Daddy, you are getting on my nerds! (nerves) And don't tell me again that I don't have nerds, because I DO have nerds!!!"

Meredith just said, "Mommy, people in the olden days used scissors to shell potatoes."

We got out at Piggly Wiggly and there was a car next to us with a lady sitting in the passenger side. Meredith told Derrick, "Daddy you almost hit that helpless old lady right there with your door!"

Derrick and I bought an "older" Toyota Camry yesterday. When Meredith came out and saw it, she said, "Mommy, that car is lame. It's real, real lame. That's an old lady car!"

Meredith: "Mommy, I laughed so hard today that tears came outta' my eyes and milk came outta' my nose!!!"

Meredith came home and said, "Uncle Steve made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but he putted mostly jelly on it with just a little peanut butter."

Meredith asked us tonight, "When can I get my own facebook page? Barefoots BoDiddley has one and he's just a little dog!!!"

I was trying to coax Meredith to get in the shower, and told her to get in one and I'd get in the other, and we'd see who could finish first. She said, "I'm gonna' beat you 'cause you take so long, 'cause you're always in there raising your legs." Derrick said, "She's doing what?" Meredith said, "You know, raising her legs with the razor. Raising." Derrick said, "Do you mean shaving?" "Yeah."

I had some hamburger I needed to cook and I asked Meredith what she would like me to make with it. She told me to name some stuff and if it sounded like something she didn't like, she would act like she was throwing up. Alrighty, then...........

I told Meredith to tell Ma Ma and Pa Pa what would happen if we won the lottery. She said, "Mommy's gonna hire a boy to look after the pool and a boy to look after the lawn!". I said, "No, no! Not the part about the pool boy and lawn boy, the part about Mommy never having to work again!"

Meredith was explaining to me how Thanksgiving came about. She said the people in England had a really mean King, so they got on the Mayflower and came to America. She said the first Thanksgiving lasted 3 days because they didn't have anything important to do afterwards like we do. And do you know who helped them with their first Thanksgiving? "Nate of Americans" did.

Meredith was trying to explain the Flintstones and she said, "Their place is made outta rocks and their clothes is tore."

I have an app on my iPhone that's scans your fingerprint and Santa tells you if you've been naughty or nice. It scanned Meredith and told her she'd been very naughty this year. She got right on writing a letter to him trying to explain herself and say she didn't mean it!!! Bahahahaha!!!

Regarding the Santa Claus in Walmart, Meredith said, "He doesn't look familiar. He's not the same one I talked to last night. And Santa Claus doesn't have freckles. "

Meredith, as she came in and saw me on my phone composing a text: "Mommy, if you're texting Santa Claus, I'm really, really sorry!!!"

Meredith's class went to Hobbton High today to see the play, Snow White. When she got home, I asked her if she enjoyed the play. She said, "Yes, but their Snow White didn't travel from Disney World to be in the play, they got one that went to Hobbton."

We just passed a house that had a lot of Christmas lights and decorations in the yard. I mean a LOT! Meredith said, "Wow, they really messed up Christmas!!!"

Meredith told her Daddy not to sit with the rocking chair so close to the edge of the porch.  She told him he might fall off and break a hip or something!!!

Meredith said, "If this pencil doesn't stop breaking, I'm gonna beat it like Lady GaGa beats her little daughter."  I said, "I don't believe Lady GaGa has any children."  She said, "Yes she did.  It was in the 80's."

Meredith told me and Derrick, "All day long, I've had to stick my hand in my pants and pull my underwear back up!"  We checked out the situation, and come to find out, she'd had her underwear on backwards all day!!

On the way home today, Meredith asked me, "Mommy, why do you sometimes get me all the stuff I ask for and then sometimes you act all weird and don't get me nothing I ask for?"

At the table doing homework, Meredith pointed to her folder, which has a sticker on it with her name, class info, etc.  She said, "Hand me my folder.  Sometimes I forget my name."

Yeah, that's gonna' surely get better with age.

I asked Meredith what time she got her school pictures made today and she said, "Ten after til."

On the cold medicine aisle at the drug store, Meredith picks up a bottle of Triaminic and tells the pharmacy tech who was helping me, "This medicine is good for boogers!"

In the bathroom stall at the Wayne County fair last night:

Meredith:  Mommy, what does that sign on the door say?

Me:  It says, "Do not put sanitary products in the toilet."

Meredith:  What in the world are sanitary projects?

Me:  I'll tell you when you get big.

Overheard at church:

Meredith:  Why in the world is everybody passing that bowl around and why are people putting money in it?

Allison:  The money is for Jesus.  People put money in there and we send it to Jesus.

Meredith:  Well, how in the world are we gonna get the money to Jesus when he's way up there (pointing up) and we're way down here?

Meredith tells me, "Mommy, I go to the freezer every night when you're not looking and eat some of those chocolate balls in there."

Problem here is, there is no chocolate balls in there and never have been?!?!?!?!?

Victoria's Secret

Meredith was looking at a Victoria's Secret catalog and I heard her say, "Those are so fake." After I regained my ability to speak, I asked her what was fake. She said, "Those wings on those girls' backs!" (the Victoria's Secret angels) Whewwwwww............

Meredith asked why God gave everybody a crack!!!

From here down (earlier), all posts are ones I pulled off Facebook between 2009 and now.  So, if you wonder why there are posts about Christmas, weather, etc., that don't seem just right, that is why.

Meredith just told her Dad he was not getting ANY toys for Christmas!!!

We just passed a house with a LOT of Christmas decorations in the yard and Meredith said, "I just saw God's grandmother!" (the Virgin Mary in a manger scene)

Hope Meredith doesn't do like she did during Christmas play practice last night and walk up to the manger scene and say, "That ain't a real baby!"

Meredith was singing Jingle Bells and sang....."Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way....oh what fun it is to ride in Walmart's open sleigh...."

Meredith says we need to go to the jelly doughnut store (Krispy Kreme) because she has a fever (she doesn't) and the doughnut will make it go away.

Meredith just walked in to the den at 12:52 am! I said, "Girl, why are you still awake?" She said, "Because cartoons are still on."

Meredith just said, "Mommy, if Daddy says one more ugly word, slap him."

Meredith says she has a sore throat and it hurts when she swallows and food touches her monocular. I'm going out on a limb here and assuming she means her uvula!?!?!

Picked up Meredith from daycare and she's coughing and wheezing pretty bad. I told her she would have to go to the doctor if she wasn't better by morning. She said she didn't need medicine because it wouldn't help the "weasels". (wheezes). LOL

Meredith just told me that she would let me know when she was ready to get up.

At 3:30 in the morning, while in a deep sleep, Meredith yelled out "Yayyyyy", and started clapping her hands like nobody's business!

So yesterday, Meredith said, "Mommy, is SNAP an ugly word?" I told her no and she said, "Good, cause sometimes I like to say Oh SNAP!"

Meredith just announced that she ate a carrot and could see for miles and miles and miles!

Meredith says she's tired of being 3 years old. Says she wants to be a grown-up, go to work, and have a kid.

Meredith had her first dentist appointment today, and all went well unless you count the part in the waiting room when she announced that when she bent over, her new pants showed her crack!!!!

So Derrick just shaved off his mustache and half his goatee. Meredith has never seen him without it. He came out of the bathroom and she stared at him a minute and said, "You don't look like my Daddy. Now go put it back!"

Meredith wants to know what makes milk come out of those pink things that dangle under cows.

Meredith just informed me and Derrick that "tinkle" means "pee-pee" in Spanish.

Meredith said she doesn't really like Jackson Beaver (Justin Bieber).

Meredith: "Mommy, I didn't listen when I was a baby, did I?"
Me: "No, and you still don't listen."
Meredith:...........long pause.............."But I think about listening."

Meredith said, "Daddy, can I marry Zane? He don't smoke and he don't have any tattoos."

Meredith just said, "Mommy, you don't listen to anything." .............. Pot, meet kettle.

Me: If you don't brush your teeth, you'll get cavities

Meredith: Well, if I get cavities, I want pink ones.

Meredith: Mommy, we get to do a lot of stuff without Daddy, don't we? Me (puzzled): Like what? Meredith: Like vacuuming, cleaning up and straightening up stuff. Me (grinning): Yes, we sure do honey.

Meredith asked what hospital Grandma was in. I told her Wake Hospital. She said, "Is that where all the patients have to stay awake?"

Meredith wanted to know where she was before she was in my belly. I told her she lived in a tiny egg that was too small to even see. She said, "Don't tell my Daddy that. He'll think I'm a chicken."

Traveling through Raleigh tonight and Meredith says, "Wow, there's a Walgreen's in every land!"

Meredith just sneezed twice, then said, "I think I'm allergic to my brother."

Ok, it's Quinn's turn. He met a veteran at the beach today. He said he fought in Vietnam so he had to be about 40. ...........

Meredith asked me if I wanted some of her ice cream. I told her no, because I was on a diet. I said, "Don't you want a skinny mama?" She said, "No, I just want a plain mama."

Meredith just told me she was made of skin, bones, blood and sparkles.

So, I took Meredith to Burger King and got her chicken nuggets (which are in the shape of crowns at BK). When we got home, she looked in her bag and said, "Oh my God, they gave me chicken nugget crowns. They must think I'm a princess!"

Quinn cooked hotdogs last night (after I went to bed) and apparently they ate the whole pack of buns. So I get supper
done just now (hotdogs) and figure out ......... we have no buns. Meredith heard me fussing about it and said, "My mean
brother! I'm breaking up with him!!!"

Meredith says she needs a speaker in her playroom so she can talk to me when she needs to.

Last night, Meredith asked why God gave everybody a crack.

Meredith got her stethoscope and came over to "check me out". After a few minutes of listening, she said it sounded like a symphony in my back and a jungle in my tummy. And if she could fix me, I would be able to go home today.

Meredith just told me to take her to a beauty shop. I asked why and she said, "Because I want to get beautiful and get makeup on me."

My child is full of it today. She just said, "I want a hamburger. Where is your debit card?"

I told Meredith that one day she'd have kids, and they'd be like her and wouldn't mind, wouldn't brush their teeth, clean their rooms or go to bed when she told them to. I asked her what she'd do about it. She said she'd throw the kids outta' the house, throw their toothbrush in the trash, throw their clothes in the yard and throw all their toys in the yard!!!

Meredith says her tummy hurts all over and it will quit hurting when she gets out of school. Guess she's practicing up for real school!

Meredith wants to know what Kid Rock's phone number is. She won't tell me why, just says she needs to tell him some things! Lord, I wish I had his number......

At the drive-thru, Meredith said that if she doesn't get the Strawberry Shortcake house in her kid's meal, she was gonna' pitch a fit!!

On the way to CVS with Meredith & Kylie.....told them I would buy them something if they were good and asked what they might want. Kylie said she'd have to wait and see what they had. Meredith said, "It's the drug store. They only have grown-up stuff and wheelchairs."

So, Meredith and I were shopping Sunday and I held up a shirt in my size, but it was one of those slim cut fitted ones. I said, "This shirt is made for skinny girls." Meredith said, "No Mommy, it's made for girls with skinny bellies and you don't have a skinny belly." Alrighty then.............

Meredith just asked me when she was going to be a big sister. I told her she was not going to be a big sister. She said, "Yes I am because I'm praying to God to be one." Ok, we'll see about that one.

Me: Meredith, why do you ask so many questions? Meredith: Because that's how God made me. Why do you say ugly words sometimes?

I was just informed by Meredith that when we get home, she wants a hamburger for a snack, then chocolate ice cream for lunch.

On a trip to the mountains we stopped at a store for Meredith to use the bathroom. She wanted quarters for the machine in the bathroom with "the colorful prizes"!

This morning, Meredith told me, "Mommy, I want you to braid my hair. And if you don't, I'm gonna be really upset. You don't want to see me really upset, do you?"

 

Meredith: "Mommy, that word you said when you turned over your french fries was a bad word. I know you thought is was a good word, but it wasn't."

Meredith was "talking" on her toy cell phone and I said something to her. She put her hand over the phone and said to me, "Shhhhhhh, I'm talking politics!"

In the pocketbook section at Belk - Meredith: Mommy, I need a new pocketbook. Me: No you don't. You've probably got 28 at home. Meredith: Mommy, what comes after 28? Me: 29. Meredith: Well, I'm about to have 29 pocketbooks.

Meredith was talking in her sleep and said, "Daddy made me do it!"

Meredith just said, "Mommy, your lasagna is so good, ima get down and quit eating it."......and off to her room she went! ???

Meredith came in to the kitchen with her doll in a stroller and said, "Meet my baby." I said, "She's so pretty. What's her name?" She said, "Her name is Angie." I said, "Wow, that's my name, too." Meredith said, "WOW, what a coincidiff!"

On the way to school this morning, Meredith said, "Mommy, when you pick me up, can we go shopping instead of going home?" I said, "Sure, what do you want to go shopping for?" She said, "Oh, I don't care. I'll shop for anythang."

Meredith says she'll clean her playroom when she's a grownup. Wellllllll, alrighty then........

Meredith just walked up to Joseph, our elf on the shelf, and said, "Joseph, when you get to the North Pole tonight, tell Santa to put my Daddy on the naughty list!!!"

Meredith said, "You mean I hafta put away all these toys with just 2 hands?!?!?"

Meredith just told me that we had to go to Bojangles because it was "Bo Time"!

Foghat was playing "Slow Ride" on the radio this morning, and Meredith said, "Mommy, WHO is playing that cool song on the radio?"

On the way home this afternoon, I noticed Meredith sounding hoarse and was coughing. I asked her about it and she said, "Yes Mommy, I've had the crunch all day." She was meaning croup!

Meredith just told Santa Claus that in the summer she was a wildflower because she wore dresses and went barefooted in the sunlight! He said he thinks she's probably a wildflower all year!

Meredith: If Santa lives way up at the North Pole, how can he see us? Has he got eyes in his feet?

In the car, I started singing "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town". When I finished, Meredith said, "I had my ears plugged up the whole time!"

Meredith just told me not to use up all the milk and cookies on Santa because she might want some.

Coming home just now, Meredith said, "Roll my window down, Daddy. I want to make a wish on that star right there."

Meredith just brought me the remote and said, "Change the channel, but NOT to a grown-up show!"

When I got out of the shower, I left my hair down to dry by itself. Later, Meredith said, "Mommy, I love that curly hair! Don't even brush it!"

Not by choice, but having a discussion with Meredith about babies and childbirth! And she informed me that when she had a baby, she was not going to let people who picked boogers hold her baby!!! Welllllll, alrighty then!!!!!

Meredith just spilled the beans! She said, "Daddy dresses his deers with your Pampered Chef knives!"

At Matthew's Drugs drive-thru, Meredith told me to ask the guy for a strawberry sucker. He was not moving quick enough for her and she asked me what was taking so long. I told her he was checking to see if they had strawberry. She said, "Tell him that if they don't have strawberry, I might cry!"

I asked Meredith what she wanted me to put up as my Facebook status. She said to put that when someone poots, it is so, so funny!

Meredith just asked if she could have a peanut butter sandwich and I said, "Sure, you're the boss. I will even let you be my boss." She said, "Okay, that way Daddy won't have to be your boss tonight."....................

Meredith just came in to my room and said, "I've gotta' take a wiz!"

Meredith talks in her sleep, and when she's first waking up. She just said, "Put me back on Earth."

Derrick went to get Meredith up and she said, "What are you doing? The sun's not even up yet!!!"

Meredith came to my bathroom, then called Derrick for help. He asked her why she came to mine, because he had told her I was sleeping and not to come in here. She said, "Well I didn't want to stink up my bathroom, so I came in here to stink up Mommy's!!!"

Came to Monkey Joe's, ate our pizza, Meredith took off to the first bouncy house. Came out 1 minute later, running to our table, squawling big ol' tears, said someone called her a name! I asked what they called her. She said, "They called me miss fancy pants!"

I asked Meredith if she took a good nap today and she said yes. I asked how long she slept. She said, "About 60 hours. We all slept 60 hours."

Meredith said, "My nose is stopped up and I haven't even cried!!!"

Meredith from the backseat: "Mommy, I just backfired back here!"

I just ordered milk for Meredith at McDonalds drive thru. She said, "Mommy, I wanted Sprite! I'm on a Sprite kick now!"

Meredith just asked me what would happen if she ate a puzzle piece.

Meredith just said, "Mommy, milk has calcium, vitamin D and more!"

Meredith just told me, "Mommy, I couldn't read for a lot of years, but now I can read."

I just asked Meredith who loved her. She said, "You do, Mommy. And I love my own self, too!"

Meredith asked me why Justin Bieber wants a wizard for a girlfriend.

Meredith: What does "slow your horses" mean? Me: It means slow down or stop what you're doing. Meredith: Then why wouldn't you just say "Slow down" or "Stop what you're doing"?

Conversation in movie theater bathroom between Meredith and another little girl: Girl: Hey. Meredith: Hey. Girl: I like Justin Beaver (Bieber). Meredith: Me too. He's for teenagers, but I like him anyway.

Derrick went to the fridge to get some Reese's PB eggs. They were gone. He said , "Wonder what happened to the eggs." Meredith said, "What eggs? Somebody must have came into our house when we were gone and got 'em!"

When we pulled up at home, my cousin was here. Meredith said, "Someone's here, Mommy! And they parked in your space!" I said, "I know and I don't even know who it is." She said, "Well, did you get their license plate number?"

Derrick asked Meredith how she knew something. She said, "Because I have a very big brain and I have eyes in the side of my head."

Meredith just told Derrick, "Daddy, that boy on TV with the kinky hair (Steven Tyler), that's the boy Mommy likes."

Scratched off my ticket, didn't win, Meredith said, "Did you win any money?" I said no. She said, "Well, you should've been a prettier girl. Like me." I asked her what she meant. She said, "You know what I mean."

Meredith just said, "Your laugh really annoys me when you laugh really loud!"

Meredith accidently busted my lip so I laid across her bed and pretended to cry. Did I get sympathy? NO. I got a "Would you get up? You're gonna' get my bed wet."

Meredith: Is today the day we color eggs? Me: Yes it is. Meredith: Well, I better go clean up all that mess I made in the kitchen!

Meredith: Uncle Steve, there is a mean boy in my class. He hits, kicks, bites, and gets in trouble and goes to time out all the time. Steve: Well, seems like I heard you don't listen and get in trouble at school, too. Meredith: Well I changed.

Coming thru Clinton and Lundy's aroma was in the air. Meredith said, "Mommy, ignore Daddy. He's the one that made that smell."

I asked Meredith where that nasty cough came from and she said it's because she has invisible chicken pox.......??????

Meredith said she had to go shopping for me for Mother's Day. She said, "First, I'm going to Harry & David's, then I'm going to Belks". She knows me well.......

I told Meredith earlier that we were going over to Chet (my cousin) and Wendy Dunn Peterson's for a party. Just now she asked me what kind of party it was. I told her a few people were just going over there, and that it wasn't really a party. She said, "Well what is it? An intimate get-together?"

This morning in the bathroom, Meredith said, "Mommy, what does your toothbrush taste like?" I said, "Why?" She never would answer........

Meredith just asked me what it was like in the olden days.......

Leaving Pizza Inn earlier, Meredith said to Erick, "Uncle Erick, you can come over to our house when we leave. We have a recliner."

When Lady GaGa was singing on American Idol, Meredith said, "I do not like that hat she's wearing .........​.... but I sure like those jewels hanging from it!!!"

I just told Meredith to get up, it was Friday. I said, "Do you know what that means?" She said, "Daddy gets paid?"

I had to run outside for a bit so I slid on some white Easy Spirit croc-like shoes without any socks. I came back in and Meredith looked at my feet and said, "WHAT is up with th' shoes?!?!?"

Stopped at RiteAid this afternoon and parked beside a chromed-out Escalade. Noticed Meredith wasn't right behind me so I turned back and saw her bent over staring at the wheels on the Escalade. I asked her what in the world she was doing. She said, "I'm looking at myself!"

We saw a limo in Clinton and Meredith said she wanted to ride in one. She asked where you could go in one and I said anywhere you want to. She said she wanted to go to the beach in one and I told her that was too far and would cost too much. She said, "Well, I'll just ride in one when it goes to get gas then."

Meredith told Daddy that he could come over to our house and watch her swim in the pool for $1.00. Then she told him he could get in and swim with her for $2.00.

At Mom's, and Meredith told us not to touch her leaf collection. She said she was gonna' spy on us and make sure we didn't, and said she had eyes in both sides and in the back of her head. She said she had so many eyes, that she could even see what was underneath the carpet!

Meredith: Can I eat my Hershey bar now? Me: No, wait until we get home. You may get it on your clothes. Meredith: I won't. Hershey bars don't spill. Me: But you'll get it all over your hands and wipe them on your clothes. Meredith: No I won't. I'll just wipe my hands on my car seat like I usually do.

Meredith just told me she loved me deeper than the ocean, hotter than the sun, bigger than space and a rocket, and longer than the news!

At the beach, and Meredith wants to know where the "helicans" are......... "You know, Mommy, the birds with the big throats that eat fish.  Helicans."

Meredith: "Mommy, can I have another doughnut? And don't bite this one first!"

My mother-in-law, Jo Ann, misplaced her contact and was looking for it. Meredith ran in to the den and said, "Ma Ma Jo Ann has lost her tom cat!!!"

Coming thru Myrtle Beach and Meredith says, "I want to go to the Crazy Horse so I can act crazy!" Alrighty then.......

Trying to get out of the fireworks traffic in Clinton, Meredith said, "We're gonna' be stuck here 'til November!!!"

Show of hands - Who has ever walked in the kitchen and caught their child with the squeezable jelly turned up "drinking" out of it??? And, when she put it down, she said, "There, now I'll have some energy."

On vacation, we got in the car to go to the ferry.  My sister, Beth, got in the backseat beside Meredith.  Meredith handed her a magazine and said, "Here.  Make yourself at home."

Meredith said, "Mommy, when my babies pee pee and stinky in their diaper, I'm not gonna change it."  I said, "Oooohhhh, Meredith, why not?"  She said, "Because my husband's gonna do it."

Meredith brought Derrick the scissors and said, "Daddy, I'm gonna need to cut your hair. I can make you more handsomer than your hair cutter does."